Blogging always makes me feel better when Ive got a ton of stuff doing whirlwinds in my head, and I need to let it all out without hurting anybody.

Ok, so I'll start with my dream. I have very vivid dreams, and when I wake up in the morning they seem very real and have an impact on the way Im feeling. I had a dream about my boyfriend, we werent together anymore, he was seeing someone else. I was pretending to be cool with it but I wasnt. Ever since I woke up this morning Ive just felt so much pain, and everytime I think about it I want to be sick, it feels so so real. The thought of him being with somebody else kills me inside.

I text him and told him about the dream. He said he had no intention of trading me in and didnt want to lose me either :) So I know Im just being silly, and I know he loves me, but I cant shake the feeling off, its annoying.

Work is driving me crazy at the moment. There was a girl who used to work in my office, she was 5 years younger than me, but we got on really weel. She left a couple of weeks ago, and now I feel very isolated from the other people in my office.

Theyre all about 15-20 years older than me, so they have a bit more of an undertsanding about life. But I feel as if they patronise me now, and they leave me out of their conversations. I tried to join in on one earlier, but they completely ignored me and its not the first time theyve done it.

I get spoken to like a child sometimes, like when something goes wrong, its all my fault and they shout at me like thats going to help matters. I havent had any work to do really for about 6 months, no one cares. Im just the 'receptionist'.

Im so fed up and down, I want to walk away and never look back, but its not that easy it is? If I didnt have bills to pay, I wouldve left a long time ago. It doesnt matter how many times I say Im not happy, they never seem to do anything about it. How many more times do I need to say something, before someone will take me seriously?

If youve read all of this, you are an absolute saint and I applaud you for putting up with my ramblings.

But I do feel better for laying it all down.